


All There

by shutupeccles



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Multi, divided hearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-04
Updated: 2012-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-01 17:30:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/359445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shutupeccles/pseuds/shutupeccles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tonks knows Remus loves Sirius. By trying to convince him that’s going nowhere she discovers both men have hidden depths.<br/>Does she love Remus enough to help him save his relationship with Sirius? Does Sirius? (of course he does!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	All There

‘Sirius is no longer the full quid,’ Tonks hesitated to say it. He was her mother’s favourite cousin after all, but Tonks wasn’t sure Remus saw this clearly. They weren’t alone often at Grimmauld place and this seemed the perfect opportunity to set a few things straight, mainly Remus.

‘Are any of us?’ Remus asked earnestly as he placed his mug on the long table.

‘I know you love him…’ Worse luck!

‘Do you Nymphadora? Do you truly understand how deeply it pains me to see such a vital man reduced to a haunted shadow?’

‘You said ‘loved’,’ Tonks said triumphantly. Visions of victory faded under an unexpected flare of temper.

‘For twelve years I thought he murdered our friends, with no-one to tell me otherwise! Current suspicion within the magical community is nothing compared to the last time Voldemort rose to power. You begin to suspect yourself!’ Remus sipped at the empty mug to calm himself. ‘I began to let myself love him again the very moment Harry suggested Peter was alive. My guilt will never measure up to the suffering Sirius endured.’

Molly bustled in with various items of cutlery, crockery and glassware that had been left in other rooms. She stopped and smiled when she saw Tonks and Remus were alone. ‘Sorry. I’ll do these later,’ Molly said into the dreadful silence.

‘No, I’ll do them.’ Tonks leapt enthusiastically to her feet. ‘I’ll do them now.’

Molly aimed a pleading grimace at Remus. ‘Make sure she doesn’t break too many, won’t you Remus? Sirius hates his heirloom crockery but not as much as I hate the sound of smashing china—or hearing his mother complain about it.’ She left them alone, ensuring nobody entered the kitchen.

Tonks filled the sink and washed by hand. Domestic spells weren’t her strong point and it was difficult to concentrate on such things with all the nonsense her heart and head were throwing at her. Remus dried up the same way.

‘I told Sirius how I feel about you,’ Tonks admitted, ‘and that you should both let go, let each other get on with rebuilding your lives.’ She waited for another reprimand.

‘The ceiling didn’t grow teeth and gobble you up?’ Remus teased. ‘You’re right, he’s lost it.’

Tonks flicked bubbles at him.

‘He told me,’ Remus confessed, cutting short the brief moment of merriment.

‘And?’ Tonks mentally crossed her fingers and toes.

‘Then he asked how I felt about it.’

He couldn’t have paused at a worse moment. ‘ **And**?’ Tonks asked again. Her hair changed colour to match her anxiety.

‘I told him the same things I’m telling you. You’re remarkable Nymphadora, truly, but my heart is so closely tangled with Sirius that we’re almost one and the same. No-one understands what we’ve been through, what we’re still going through, or how much he and I need each other. It isn’t precisely like before. It can’t be after the mistakes we both made. But there’s too much about our relationship that’s wonderful for me to give up.’

Tonks listened to the strength in his soft voice, felt the affection and conflict in his gentle heart. ‘I love you Remus. Don’t expect me to stop simply because you can’t love me back.’ She watched him absently dry one bowl over and over until she took it from him. ‘He doesn’t love you anymore?’ Tonks asked in disbelief. Who couldn’t love Remus?

‘Sirius no longer feels as strongly as he once did. Azkaban and the events leading to his conviction—I can’t expect him to and neither should you. In time, I hope…’

 _Oh Remus!_ Tonks wanted to cover his hands with hers and promise to protect him from the expanding darkness. ‘If nothing changes?’ she asked hoarsely.

Remus magically returned the dried glasses to their proper place. ‘Then I will have no choice but to move on. Don’t wait for me Nymphadora,’ he warned.

‘Don’t call me Nymphadora.’

‘Fine, as long as you promise to live every minute of your life instead of squandering it on what might be, someday.’

‘Like you are?’

‘I knew you’d misunderstand.’ Remus leaned back against the sink beside Tonks to explain. ‘Ten percent of the time I’m a werewolf, meaning ninety percent of my life could be normal according to Dumbledore and Sirius. Sirius was determined to prove them right. We planned on living together since leaving Hogwarts, as friends and until I could independently manage my condition. During the year we turned twenty I went out to serve the Order of the Phoenix much as I do now, and instead of merely saying goodbye to my housemate, I kissed him.’ Remus smiled at his shoes. The best of his personality decorated every feature of his face. Tonks would give anything to see him smile like that again. ‘His hundredth kiss, thousandth or somewhere in between—my first. It had been entirely spontaneous. Sirius didn’t question it. “Hurry home safely so we can talk about you never moving out,” he said and kissed me back. They weren’t long passionate snogs, more like the kind between couples that have been together for decades, but from that moment on our hearts were full of each other. It wasn’t easy for Sirius. Despite being the instigator I believed I’d ruined his life and often tried to make him see sense, get out while he could. Then Peter betrayed all of us… Now Sirius has only half a life. If he’d been diagnosed with a terminal illness, should we break up just because of that?’ He smiled when Tonks shook her head. ‘I do not regret remaining faithful to Sirius. He may not be as devoted to me but he has **never** betrayed me—the incident involving Severus happened before we became a couple and is therefore irrelevant.’

‘Sirius and Severus?! That explains a lot.’ No wonder they detested each other.

‘No! No. Not that kind of incident.’ Remus laughed with a grimace. ‘Heaven forbid.’ He chuckled again. ‘Sirius pulled a juvenile prank during our school years, more stupidly dangerous than all the others combined, quite a feat for Padfoot.’

‘Involving you?’ Tonks asked. She edged subtly closer to Remus as he nodded. Maybe this could provide another weapon in the battle for his heart, or an opportunity to hold his hand.

‘Sirius feels guilty about that and about suspecting I was the spy. My inconsistency eroded his trust in me, making the Secret Keeper debacle my fault. Sirius had a younger brother, cousin and in-laws who were Death Eaters.’

Tonks knew because she was related to the same ones. Remus provided no chance for interruption.

‘Peter had always been the least threatening of our social group and none of us ever doubted his loyalty. He was the logical substitute. After their confrontation and the arrest,’ Remus paused to fight off impending melancholy. Tonks reached for him. He let their fingers touch briefly and then stepped away. ‘It would be kinder to hand Sirius to Voldemort than to cheat on him, and I will never do either.’ He looked at the sink and saw only teaspoons left to do. ‘Surely you can manage those without breaking anything?’

His teasing, friendly tone prompted Tonks to return his half smile. ‘I won’t embarrass either of us by raising this topic again,’ she assured him.

‘You haven’t embarrassed anyone. It needed discussing before irreparable damage occurred. So thank you.’

Why couldn’t Remus make her feel like an immature idiot before leaving her alone in the kitchen? His honesty and concern for her welfare were not making it easier for Tonks to gracefully accept his decision as he had just congratulated her for doing. How could she consider loving someone else when Remus treated her with such admiration and respect? He must love Sirius something phenomenal, as much as Tonks loved Remus. She finished the cutlery with a disgruntled wave of her wand and hurried to join the others, deliberately eliminating the opportunity to cry. Unfortunately Remus had been walking slowly. She was two steps behind as he entered the parlour.

‘Everything okay?’ Sirius asked from his armchair in the corner. His black eyes had darted directly to Remus and did not move. There was nothing possessive in his posture or stare, only concern and abiding love—before he successfully suppressed it. Why did he do that?

Tonks glanced at Remus as he replied with a nod. He was too preoccupied to notice what Sirius fought to hide. If her cousin was less devoted to Remus now then he must have been absolutely besotted before! Tonks waited until Remus went upstairs and asked Sirius for a private word. He took her into the room with the tapestry of the Black family tree. Tonks got the first word in.

‘Why are you pushing him away? When did it start?’ It had to be her fault. She was sure of it. Sirius didn’t belittle her by evading the questions.

‘Remus can’t enjoy a full life while he’s tangled up with me. He’s been alone just as long as I have, all of which is my fault. I selfishly clung onto him since he learned the truth but if he’s to have any chance at a fresh start with someone whole then I have to let him go. I’m trying to do it without hurting him…’

‘Well it isn’t working,’ Tonks snapped at him.

‘Look here girl, this is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done and I’ve hunted down a friend for the distinct purpose of killing the evil little fuck—twice! I thought I could trust you to love Remus as he deserves, but if you can’t understand how hard it is to turn away from him…’

‘I have no choice now he’s told me to piss off!’

‘Remus would never say that.’ Sirius Black’s voice was thick with admiration.

‘Not precisely like that, no,’ Tonks admitted. ‘But my way would have actually hurt less.’

‘You came right out and told him, didn’t you?’ This question implied that she’d been idiot to do so. She nodded. Sirius surprised Tonks by hugging her the way her father did. ‘Next time begin softly and carefully. Like any wild creature Moony doesn’t react well to sudden, unexpected movement.’ Sirius kept one arm around her shoulder as he continued. ‘Remus is so humble that he can’t see why anyone would love him enough to accept the werewolf routine. To make life more difficult, he’s intimidated by overt affection. Kissing him hello or goodbye in front of our closest friends always made him uncomfortable. Attempting to hold his hand or flirt with him in public led to a huge fight. Honestly, he nearly broke up with me for putting my arm around his waist while having a photo taken with the original Order of the Phoenix. “What will people think of you Sirius when they find out you share a bed with a werewolf?”’

‘Lucky Sirius,’ Tonks reckoned.

‘That’s precisely what I said. He hadn’t wanted to be in the picture in the first place. Lily convinced him to join in but he wouldn’t stand within reach. I managed to pinch his bum without anyone seeing but he still got cranky. Using Filibuster’s finest to write “I love you Remus Lupin, take me to bed and shag me until we’re both dead” across the night sky is guaranteed to frighten him off for life.’

‘That might be how it was before you went to Azkaban, Sirius, but that man clearly needs some undeniable reassurance that you love him. Beyond cheating on him there is no way you can convince Remus to start with someone else. Unless you two give this all you’ve got and he **chooses** me over you… I’ll be buggered by Buckbeak before I let Remus **settle** for me.’

‘You don’t understand.’

Yes, Tonks did. ‘He pushed you away before, thinking it was for your own good, but you refused to give up. Now the tables have turned. Plus, this time the two of you know you’re both innocent. He loves you Sirius, so much it hurts to see and hear it, and he’s determined not to repeat past mistakes. There’s no excuse for treating him this way.’ Tonks handed Sirius an owl-order catalogue the Weasley twins had given her and circled the fireworks section with her wand. ‘Stop being noble, sink your teeth into him and set the sky alight every time you’re together. Or I will,’ she threatened.

The lynx Patronus of Kingsley Shacklebolt pounced between them and stared at Tonks. ‘You are late,’ it stated flatly. Tonks had no more time for this conversation. A storm was building and as an Auror it was her duty to weatherproof Britain. Love and similar catastrophes would have to wait.

*~~~*

It appeared nothing had changed during the next meeting. Remus and Sirius were separated by three Order members and that nasty house-elf, Kreacher. The meeting came to an end and the table was cleared in preparation for dinner as Severus headed out. Sirius and Remus normally helped Molly with the meals but tonight Remus leaned back against a rarely used cupboard to talk quietly with Sirius. Sirius pressed against him and they fit together like the wood and core of a wand, lighting the room with _Lumos_. Molly wasn’t the only one startled when they began to kiss.

‘Be sensible and come home safe,’ Sirius insisted from deep in his chest before pressing his lips against Remus’ throat. Remus crossed his wrists behind Sirius’ neck and closed his eyes. Sirius tightened their embrace. ‘This house is Azkaban without you.’

‘As was my life without you,’ Remus replied. Nymphadora’s heart broke a thousand times before the men kissed again. ‘Be sensible and **stay home**. Promise me,’ he demanded quietly of Sirius.

‘I won’t leave the house without you my love,’ Sirius assured him.

They kissed again, so tenderly that Molly gave Tonks a sympathetic grimace. She’d been the one to encourage Tonks to express herself, let Remus see that life had more to offer than ghosts of the past. Well she’d certainly done that.

“Nymphadora?” Remus carefully sought her attention. She turned to the source of her favourite voice. He was no longer enveloped in Black. “Thank you.”

Sirius nodded in solemn agreement. Their eyes assured Tonks that she’d permanently earned a special place in both their hearts, Remus Lupin’s most of all. In an odd sense, she’d won. It made losing a tiny less painful.

But only just.


End file.
